When college isn’t what you thought it would be

in

by Iris Zhan

So you came to college for certain reasons and you get there and it’s completely different from what you came here for. So do you reassess your college goals and purpose, or find somewhere else where you can achieve your original goals?

That is where I’m at in life. Am I being too stubborn in what I envisioned my life would be like in college? Sure, but I feel like I’ve already let go of a lot of the expectations I originally had. At least my goal of living a life miles better than high school is being achieved. Checkmark.

By attending college, I  expected to break recurring cycles of feeling misunderstood. Those feelings that made me feel isolated, led me to want a community of young activists organizing for change. 

The way things are looking now, if I want to maintain my sanity, I’m gonna have to find community and activism, outside college. But wait, isn’t that why I came here? Then why am I here?

We go to college for the academics, opportunities, and the degree. But we also go for the experience too. I feel conflicted. Because on one hand, academics aren’t everything to me, but they are important. But I don’t want them to become my everything, because college is supposed to be about the experience. I feel that wherever I go, I’m able to create opportunities for myself regardless of my location, so why am I here?

In high school, I was very estranged from the place and the general population––I was there to survive and relied on my online community to get by. I came to college to break that cycle. I want a college experience where I can embrace my desired modes of activism

So should I just be strong and tough it out? Is this God's plan for me to help me grow up? Should I just focus on the resources and opportunities and I’ll be happier?

I’m scared though, if my goals change, then I will change as a person. I'll lose the connection I've had to activism. I’m really unsure. Do I have the strength in me to make this place my own despite all odds?

I started writing this piece of questioning as a first year, and now as a sophomore I think I’ve figured out some of it. What didn’t change were my personal goals, but my goals and expectations for college. Now I know why I’m here. I’ve found how Wellesley can enhance my life in unique ways to support my goals, while taking everything with a grain of salt, knowing that Wellesley will not be the force that supports all my goals 100%. Which doesn’t make the time and resources any less worthy. 

After all, there is life after college. I don’t have to be defined by how Wellesley students are “supposed to be.” Now with a sense of clarity, I know that I don’t have to stop being myself because I will still have a successful experience on my own terms.